Bumbling through

For the last three months I feel like I’ve just kind of been bumbling along. Work has not changed, it is still stressful and frustrating coupled with the impending doom of losing hours. Home life is fine but we are moving soon so a lot of my brain energy is taken up thinking about that. Not that I can do anything about it right now…

I just feel like I’m kind of staggering through life at the moment, which isn’t a pleasant feeling!

I am excited for moving although it is always coupled with stress for me. I will be moving with my partner which is the start of a new adventure for both of us. All very exciting but the actual physical moving is so daunting.

How do others cope with moving? Do you have a plan? Do you have a timeframe of packing? I tend to start packing up quite early but then live amongst boxes. But if I pack too late I get agitated about timing! Feels like a lose lose situation!

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Blogging fail

So my plan was to blog at least once a week. I have failed miserably at this over the last month!

Life tends to catch up with me really quickly and the things I plan in or want to make time for fall by the wayside. It causes me no end of frustration.

I am currently away for a week, hopefully with the opportunity to have some down time, head space and find a sense of calm.

Tomorrow, I travel a few hours to spend a few days with my family, something I haven’t done for about 10 years. It will hopefully provide us with a chance to reconnect, away from the distractions of work and the general tasks and chores that take up so much time.

We are staying in a lodge somewhere in the countryside. With the countryside being such a big part of how I destress, I think it will give me some much needed time out! However, watch this space as 5 days away with my parents could be trying after a while!

I am aim to blog again soon, with the intention of it not being a month until the next one!

Life of a Youth Worker – Intense pressure

Today I just want to cry. Work seems to be taking over my life at the moment and I don’t know what to do about it.

It is making me tired, impatient and grumpy which is not fair on my partner or anyone else around me.

I took a few days off this week to recover from a cold and that helped a lot but I still had to have my work head on as I was still involved in decision making whilst I was off. It feels never ending at the moment. I genuinely had a moment of considering whether I can do this job anymore. The first time that I have seriously considered it. It didn’t last long but still, the thought was there.

The thing is, I know that this period of intensity will pass but I don’t know when, and that is what unnerves me. I feel like I’m stumbling through one day to the next. Working over my hours, working over the weekend, considering going to work at 7am just so I have enough time to do everything I need to do.

There is a part of me that thinks why should I go out of my way, but I care about my job and I care about the kids I work with. I think this is part of the problem though, I am putting my job before anything else.

And so I am left with the feeling of just wanting to cry. I have just finished working for a few hours today and I still don’t think I have got enough done.

I guess I will keep powering through until the intensity reduces and I start to have some kind of normal routine again!

Urgh.

7am – The beginning of a new week

It’s Monday morning already. It comes round quick!

I was hoping for more of a sleep this morning but apparently my body clock has decided 7am is the time to be awake every day regardless of weekends or week days.

The weekend was full of feeling gross with a cold. I still have said cold.

I am not a fun person to be around when I’m ill. I hate sitting still and doing nothing. I get fed up and agitated, so I try to do a few things but end up feeling worse for it. Viscous cycle which in my nearly 30 years I have not got out of. I never learn!

I know that I’m ill because I’m overworked and burned out. This was inevitable and I felt it coming earlier on last week. Currently I am doing 5 peoples jobs including my own because apparently staff aren’t able to cope. Apparently I am the only person who is resilient enough to do my job and deal with life as a human.

And so I start a new working week, with all the shit that is to come, feeling like I have drums in my head, sandpaper in my throat and an achy body that feels like I’ve been dragged for miles.

So it begins…

Washing up

I have no idea how I manage it but I make so much mess when I wash up. Bubbles go literally everywhere.

Having just finished washing up the dinner stuff, I took a moment to take a proper look at the mess I made. Sometimes I amaze myself.

There is water and/or bubbles:

  • On the floor
  • All over the sink
  • All around the sink
  • Over the tap
  • Over the sideboard
  • On the window
  • On my shirt
  • On my jeans
  • On my shoes
  • I may have even got some in my hair (don’t ask, I don’t even know how!)

I seem to make more mess washing up than in any other area of the house. It is impressive I must say!

How does one contain the bubbles? Am I using too much washing up liquid? Am I a little over zealous with the scrubbing? Am I just not paying enough attention to what I am doing…?

Is there anyone else who creates what looks like a mass bubble explosion in the kitchen after washing up? Maybe a support group is in order!

 

N.B. The picture above is how I wish my sink looked after washing up. That is not a true representation of my sink.

Doing nothing

This weekend was my first weekend off of work in about 3 weeks. My plan was to do nothing. Make no plans.

I have achieved that goal but I always find myself getting bored or fidgety part way through the weekend. Today I made flapjacks and changed my bed covers. That is literally it in terms of being mildly productive. Other than that, I have sat on the sofa, watched Doctor Who, played games and done the washing up. Thrilling,

I don’t mind a weekend of nothing but I think I do it too often. I need to get out more. Make more plans that don’t revolve around work. See friends and actually do something other than drink coffee.

Go on an adventure. Learn a new skill. Walk in the countryside. Do… something! Anything!

I think I run the risk of becoming a hermit and living in my own shell if I don’t make some changes soon!

Exhaustion

I am tired.

So incredibly tired.

I have worked above and beyond my contracted hours every week for nearly a month. I have taken on tasks, roles and responsibilities that really, are not my areas to be dealing with.

Work is something I enjoy. I like my job for the most part. Kids I can deal with. Managing groups I can deal with. Staff not being able to get a grip drives me up the wall!

I am doing 4 peoples jobs at the moment, 5 if you include my own. This is not sustainable for much longer.

What makes this so much more frustrating is that by the time the weekend comes around, I am so tired and so fed up from the week that I am not in the best of moods to see my friends or spend time with my partner.

It isn’t fair for those who are around me. I am well supported on the whole at work and my manager listens to me but that doesn’t change how challenging it is at the moment.

I’m not quite sure how much longer I can manage this for. I’m also not sure how much more of my low mood and tiredness my partner can take…

How do you cope when work gets tough and feels like it becomes all consuming?